believe in who you are, you are a shining star

The stress level has hit epic proportions such that I've now hit this amazing wall. I have been completely rendered useless/stupid and can't seem to get anything accomplished. As you may or may not know, my life completely sucks this year. And I know people probably say that a million times a day and probably 92% of blogs pathetically declare that exact sentiment, but no really my life sucks a lot of the time.

Anywho, I'm basically sad a lot and I get easily stressed and I pretty much can't get anything done. I think all that's keeping me sane (or insane?) is that I've managed to maintain my ability to find joy/humor in really stupid things. I guess you could say that I'm easily amused, but to be honest I've been really thankful for this idiotic trait lately. For example today I got really excited over the super sweet rings I got out of a vending machine. And I spritzed myself with Tropical Mist bug spray and kept trying to charm everyone in the office with my strawberry-bubblegum-esque aroma. Ha. I'm sure they'll miss me when I'm gone.

Today my mom was exasperating me over carpeting. Yes, carpeting. Lucky for me my friend Valerie stepped in and is going with me to Lake Charles to help with mom's house this weekend. Also Aneil and Valerie's boyfriend (?) are coming to help so I hope things go okay. It's so hard for me to get along with mom these days.

And words can't express how much I miss Daddy. All the time.

Oh also I have a midterm next Tues. It's fiiiiine.

Okay so there's work stress (yes, turnaround schedule starts on Mon) and there's the exam then there's the general mom stress, also there was a hurricane. I'm sort of drowning here. So, I had this evening free so one might assume that I would be working diligently to learn about supply/demand or figuring out how to remove carpeting or patch roofs. But no. I watched Alias then played with my hair then got really ridiculous and decided to start taking funny pictures of yes, myself. Boy keeps complaining that I don't have any pictures of myself to give him so yes, today seemed like a good day to start. These are some of my amazing self portraits. Also, I noticed that in a few of them I look shockingly filipino. Heh.

In the meantime, I'm trying to maintain some sense of normalcy. I keep worrying that I'll pull a Bell Jar and will just start being crazy without realizing it. That prospect really scares the crap out of me. I also keep trying to evaluate how I feel about boy. I want to make sure that I really truly like him for him, and not just because he is nice and I need someone to be nice to me right now. I feel like I really do like him and I know I was already really liking him prior to my dad's passing, so I feel pretty confident that my heart is in the right place and that I genuinely like him. But sometimes I just worry because I don't trust my judgment at all.

Oh also I'm pretty sure that listening to Lionel Richie on a regular basis is some sort of warning sign that my mind is starting to go.

Okay this entry was ridiculous but I'll go ahead and post it before I change my mind.

Oh and that last picture is my "muppet face". You know how when the muppets want to smile real big or get excited they open their mouths real big and look straight at the camera? Ernie does this a lot too. Okay that's what I was going for there. I make that face a lot, and apparently felt it needed explanation. See? Crazy.